I do my part every morning to save the world (and money) by commuting from Midtown, Houston, TX to work at the Texas Medical Center on the Metro Lightrail. Little did I know, each morning would be an eye-opening experience.
Lately, the light rail has been full of the same stuff I always blog about. It’s the same old homeless people asking for change/food/phone numbers, and the same fat people taking up multiple seats.
Alas, something new, yet related to trains to blog about.
If you’re like me, you enjoy commercials. When I watch TV with people, they feel like commercials are a good time to have a conversation, but unfortunately this is not the case. I probably enjoy commercials more than the actual show. Superbowl? I don’t care who is playing..I just want to see the commercials (until they stopped those awesome pepsi ones).
One thing I have noticed, along with many other people (especially @KeithStoeckeler), is the excessive use of “Hey Soul Sister” by Train. I’m sure you know the song, but for people like my Mom, here it is:
Now after wasting time watching that video, you know EXACTLY which ads use this song. In any given commercial break, you’ll hear this song a good 5 times. That is 5 more times than I really want to hear it.
Do us all a favor and join the movement. If you work for an ad firm, or if you make home videos, please do not use this song. It is old, overused, and we all know that somebody’s lipstick is somehow stained on homeboy’s brain.
This weekend, I flew to Chicago with my roommate and longtime friend for her birthday. She played soccer at an out of state Big 12 School, so most of her friends are dispersed throughout the Midwest. Four of her college friends met us in Chicago for the Dave Matthews Band concert at Wrigley. She’s a HUGE DMB fan and has been for as long as I can remember, so it was the perfect way to celebrate her 25th birthday. We took a cab most of the time, but I did have a chance to ride the train a few times while we were in the city. The first ride was to Wrigley field on Saturday for the concert. This ride was pretty boring. I was kind of disappointed and already missed my Houston randos.
The concert was incredible, but the line for the red line after was just incredibly long. After pushing through crowds of people, we made our way to the platform upstairs. I have issues with standing too close to people so I moved down the platform a ways. I thought Erin and crew were following. They didn’t so I figured once the train arrived, I could just walk to where they were inside the train.
Unfortunately, this was not the case…We were in two separate cars. The train was super packed so I decided to stay in place and meet them at our destination. I was standing next to a group of what looked like Justin Bieber look alikes. I’m not even kidding you…all different shapes and sizes- dudes in skinny jeans with Bieber fever…with the exception they just came from a Dave concert. I’m old, so standing forever listening to music wears you out..especially while consuming a little booze in the process. So normally, I would find these kids conversation entertaining, but not tonight. They begin to have a conversation about their favorite youtube videos. The “hide ya kids, hide ya wife” video came up. Now, I think the video is hilarious, but when a group of 10 high school aged kids start singing the song really loud word for word, it gets annoying.
Yes, THIS is the song they were singing over and over again. I don’t know if high school kids just like to beat a horse until it’s dead, but I’m already tired of this video and ready to move on to the next viral video. Fortunately they DO move on to the next video..
Now, this next song the kids decided to sing made me a little uncomfortable. They were singing this song really really loud and I was next to this old lady (well, relative). This song is a few years old, and you may have missed it back in the day….warning, this is DEFINITELY NSFW.
By this point, I remembered I had NO idea which stop to exit the train once we hit downtown Chicago. I started to freak out…phone was dead and I could no longer see Erin and crew through the door to the next car. I was tired of listening to Youtube and decided at one of the next stops I would hop off and into the car that Erin was hopefully still in. This stop happened to be the same spot these high schoolers decided to exit the train, allthewhile singing “What what in the butt”…yes, another NSFW, if you have not seen it.
I was so happy to see Erin in the next car, needless to say. Her’s was quiet and calmm thankfully.
Moral of the story: Chicago, you were alright…just too cold for my liking and too obsessed w/ youtube. Where were all my crazy homeless folks and people doing dances like on the subways in NYC? Maybe next trip…
Today on the light rail, I was eating apple slices. I have to give a shout-out to the fine folks over at the MS150for giving me the big bag of apple slices on Saturday (and to Taylor and her fam for being so awesome).
So as I was standing and eating my apples, a man in a scarface t-shirt begins a conversation with me (damn those lost sunglasses of mine…).
Scarface: “Eatin some apples to stay healthy, huh?”
Me:I smile
Scarface: “You eatin healthy keeps you in better shape than these other ladies round here.
Me: Awkward smile.
At the next stop, the train clears a bit, so I sit down…scarface sits next to me.
Scarface: “Those apples sure look good!”
Me: Long pause… “Would you like one?”
Scarface: “Sure, you’re so thoughtful!” uhhh not really, you just keep staring at my apples….
Scarface: “ya know, I should prolly eat more fruit instead of fried food.”
Me: “I love fruit.”
Scarface: “yeah and it keeps you lookin finnneeee” dammit, why am I in the inside seat???????
Then I realize the person standing directly behind my row has some ridiculously loud music playing into her headphones. Listening to “Drop it like it’s hot” really loud on your headphones before 9am should be illegal if I’m in your presence. Actually all music that DJ Kyle Berg plays on a Friday night at ei8ht is not something I want to hear through your iPod on my way to work. Scarface apparently heard the music too….
Scarface: “Damn, what she think dis is, a club? aint nobody wanna hear her damn iPod right now.” Finally, something we can agree on..
Me: “It’s ok, she’ll need a hearing aid by age 40.”
Scarface: “BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH you know dat right..” Seriously, his laugh was out of control. I’m not that funny.
Me: “This is my stop…”
Scarface: “Aight girl, you have a good day. Keep on wit dat smile..” I do one last awkward smile…
Moral of the story: I’m never bringing fruit on the train again.
p.s. If you’re not lame like me and don’t have to sleep on Wednesday nights, I’d encourage you to hit up The Three3 @ ei8ht. Good DJ show for those of you who like that kind of thing..free CD.
Today on the light rail, I ran into the big dude from yesterday AGAIN. He sadly did not recognize me, but I definitely knew who he was. Now today was even funnier than yesterday.
Big Dude gets on the light rail with 2 of his friends (no skinny dude from yesterday, I think his wife probably wanted Jack in the crack again…). One of them walks on with his soundtrack for life playing (that’s what Archie used to call it when he walked around with his personal stereo playing daft punk). The music being played is “OOOOOOhhh baby I be stuck to you like glue…” In other words, the Bedrock song (which is a personal party fav).
I start getting into the music, because it is my Birthday and I can do what I want. The guy changes the song the Say Ahh. If you do not know this song, it’s because you’re probably too old, so here it is for you:
So of course I’m jammin with the guy sitting next to me.
Rando: “You like dis song?”
Me: “haha only because it’s my birthday..”
Rando: “Oh shit! Go girl..it’s your birthday…”
So this goes on for a little bit and the guy turns his music down because Big Dude’s phone rings:
Big Dude: “Hello…..Who is dis?…….Girl how you get muh numba?……I GAVE IT TO YOU??…I musa been on some SERIOUS Crack when I did dat…You should prolly lose this…”
I can’t hold in my laughter. This other guy near me is laughing too. Then the music man turns back on the Bedrock song. I can tell this is Big Dude’s favorite song when it gets to these lyrics. They sing in unison:
“Ok I get it, let me think, I guess it’s my turn, Maybe it’s time to put this P-$$y on ya sideburns…He say I’m bad, He prolly right..he pressing me like button downs on a Friday night….I’m so pretty like, be on my pedal bike, Be on my low scrunch, Be on my Ecko Whites….He say Nicki don’t stop you da bestest, And I just be coming off the top as bestest.”
It was like a gospel choir singing. They were so into it. All the people around were like “what the heck are they singing…” and only I knew.
Today on the light rail, I felt like I was watching American Idol…you know, the crappy people that somehow make it onto the show just to make the ratings go higher so people can continue to make jokes about them for the next year…
This big dude gets on the rail with his skinny friend and sits in the row in front of me. He has music blasting in his ear phones. I wanted to start doing sign language with him because maybe he’s hard of hearing. I continued to think this when he started making noises to the music.
You know the kind of noises R&B artists make? The “OOOOHHHH” “ahhhhhhhooooogurrrllll”. That is what he started to do. He sounded like a dying whale, much like this lady. It continued on…
“MMMmmmmMMMMMM oooooOOooooooo baby…uyyyyeahhahdfhgheyweaweytfgadjghaeh”
^I don’t know how to type his noises so that’s why I just started banging on the keyboard there.^
Then he turned his music down when his skinny friend that looked about 18 said “Man, my wife is crazy, dawg.” This kid is married? He looks like he’s 12!
Big Dude: “Why is that?”
Skinny Dude: “Man I be axin where we gun meet her and she goes Jack in the Box. Whadoilooklike a bank? She always be spendin my money.”
Big Dude: “Man tell her to get her a$$ on the train.”
Skinny Dude: “I know sshhhheeettt.”
The big dude puts his head phones back in and continues his attempt at proving he should be the next Boys II Men.
Moral of the story: If you can’t sing, please don’t sing. Ever. Unless you’re calling The Little Gym to sing “I have a beanbag, it’s miss ladybug, I have a jumprope, sir centipede”.
