After my first post on CultureMap, I received an email from a lady who shares my love for Public transportation, though she rides the bus rather than the light rail. She was quite thrilled to read my stories, so I thought it would be neat to share a few of hers.

Here is Jessica‘s Banana Story.
Since I’m just now starting this blog, in order for you all to get the real effect of my bus stories, I’ll have to start from the beginning (also my favorite):

I moved from NYC to Houston in August 2008. In NYC, it was completely normal to take public transportation; in fact, you HAD to since no one could afford a car. So it was a daily occurance to take the subway, cross town, uptown bus, pedicab etc. Of course I had my fair share of hilarious stories from those days, but I’ve drank since then.

With the move back to Texas, I was excited to continue taking public transportation because 1) work paid for it; 2) it was way less stressful than driving in Houston traffic and 3) well I’m just lazy and prefer someone else to do the driving. My first few weeks went by somewhat uneventful. Luckily I lived about a 4 block walk from the bus stop (walking?? in Houston?? blasphemy!) I would usually kill 2 birds with 1 stone and bring something to eat on the bus (granola bar, various fruit choices) and never had any problems. All was going dandy until one day I brought along a banana to eat on the quick 8 minute ride.

That day seemed like any other day: muggy, humid…or so I thought. I get to the bus, step in, tap my “Q Card” (read: NYC’ers – this is our version of the MetroCard, but waaaaaaaaay cheaper oh and banana in hand. I get actually 4 steps in, until Mizz Bus Driver turns and says “Nu uh, no eatin’ on my bus!” I turn around, slightly confused, as I have eaten many times before on the bus, although not the same bus driver. So (bear in mind I had only been out of NYC for about 2 months at this point) I turn to her and with “sweetest” of voices, explain this to her, and turn right back to sit down. She repeats herself. I roll my eyes and realize this is going nowhere, and she won’t leave until her rules are followed! So, I go to take a step out of the bus to throw away the peel, and then, she does the unimaginable…she CLOSES THE DOOR AND BEGINS TO TAKE OFF….WITH MY BAG IN HER BUS!! Looking back, I probably looked pretty funny running after the bus beating on the door, yelling at her to stop.

She finally stops (not due to my beatings, but she’s at a red light, she HAS to) she reluctantly opens the door, glares me down, says “I told you, no eatin’ on my bus.”

If looks could kill, we would both still be in jail…

Today on the light rail, I was reminded of the reason why I started this blog in the first place just one year ago.

Rainy day rides on the light rail are always the most exciting as there are way more illegal riders. Today I arrived at the light rail stop in my rain jacket, holding a banana. There were two men standing and talking. One man had a hole at the top of his chest/bottom of his neck from a tracheotomy. There was a metal device around the hole, and it was rather small. He placed his finger on the hole while looking at me.

TooManyHoles: “Say, you wanna trade your banana for this orange?”
Me: “I already took a bite out of this.”
I unwrap the banana and show him the top.
TooManyHoles: “Aint no problem since it was your lips on the banana.”
Me: “ha…”

I’m no expert in the realm of tracheotomy’s but begin to realize he has to cover the whole in order to talk. That must get old.

Me: “I mean..if you really want it….”
TooManyHoles: “naw naw..eat your banana.”

I continue eating my banana and listen to the conversation between the two men.

TooManyHoles: “Man I done conked out after that bottle last night. I gots it for christmas and woooooo. I’m tired.”

He looks at me because I’m giggling a bit.

TooManyHoles: “I was drinking some courvoisier.”
Me: “My mom likes that with Kahlua and coffee.”
TooManyHoles: “Man..I drink it straight up. I got dat bottle for christmas and drank it all last night.”
Me: “How big was the bottle?”

He used his hands to show me the size. It seemed pretty big.


Me: “how are you alive?”
TooManyHoles: “Mann I be in the army before so I used to drink a WHOLE LOT mo. But I tell you, I did NOT wanna wake up dis mornin’………….lemme guess, you a nurse and work for UT?”
Me: “No I do research..But I went to UT in Austin.”
TooManyHoles: “das cool, you be helpin people all day.”
Me: “No I get bored most of the time.”
TooManyHoles: “well least is a job and yous know yous be helpin somebody out der. When you get bored das where you put on dem headphones and rock out, yaknowwhatimsayin?”

As he says this, he bobs his head around like he’s “rocking out”.


TooManyHoles: “You know I be livin in Austin but is boring.”
Me: “What? No it’s not!”
TooManyHoles: “Ain’t nothin der but sixth street!”
Me: “Well I like to kayak on town lake or go runnin.”
TooManyHoles: “Do I look like I wanna go near no damn water???? I sure as hell aint do no runnin neither. I gots too many holes and water get all up in me and I be drownin. Aint nobody gonna put on some kayak. you crazy.”

I pull out my phone to obviously share a few tweets or texts or whatever the hell I was doing at that time.

TooManyHoles: “See you gots dat phone. Someday Imma see you on dis platform and your thumbs gonna be bigger than mine.”
I laugh.

After what seems like an eternity, the train finally arrives. We stand next to each other on the train before he exits at the next stop.

TooManyHoles: “You have a blessed day at work. And don’t do no drugs or you end up wit too many holes and you can’t kayak no mo. hehehehehehe”

Moral of the story: Serious question…How do you drink courvoisier with a hole in your neck?

I’m not one to celebrate anniversaries, but this is one I’m pretty proud of and excited for the future. I would like to thank anybody that has stumbled upon this blog and continued to follow the stories for the past year. I take pride in meeting people on the light rail and putting a smile on your face. Thanks for all the retweets, links, and recommendations to friends. In just under a year I was able to snag the Houston Press Reader’s Choice award for “Best Local Blog”. It’s truly an honor and I hope you continue to follow my light rail travels. I’m glad majority of you can see past my grammar and spelling mistakes. Thanks a million!

Today on the light rail, I fed the hungry.

I also learned something about myself.  Not only do I talk to complete strangers on a daily basis, but I’m way too approachable.

I’ve always been the person who will talk to a complete stranger in certain situations.  Usually the conversation is started by showing a person a picture of my alter ego.  Lately, the conversation starts with “I blog about public transportation, wanna see?”  This is much better than Curtis’ co-worker who uses the line “I have herpes, what do you have?” to pick up girls (true story).  Or last night on the walk home from the grocery store a street man says “SAY! SAY! BABY GIRL! HOOK ‘EM!” because I was wearing my favorite zip up hoodie (thanks, Alex.).

But the easiest way to make a new friend is through food.  And unfortunately today, I looked very approachable and had brownies on hand.  I told my boss I’d make his snack for journal club today, so I made 2 batches of brownies last night.  I left the light rail with only 1 batch in hand, it seemed.

I was not wearing sunglasses this morning, so I guess that’s a clear indication it’s OK to talk to me.

Hungry Man: “Those brownies sure look good. How much you sellin them for?”
Me: “Oh they’re not for sale.  They’re for my boss.”

long pause

Hungry man to hungry man’s friend: “Look at her, hoggin all those brownies when we ain’t eaten since last night and they delicious.”
Yep…that hit a nerve….
Me: “Would you like one?  I can spare a few..I made extras…”
Hungry Man & Friend: “YAH!”

Like savage beasts, they each grab a brownie.  Hungry Man thought it was perfectly acceptable to tell his friends.

—-side note for John G-IdontrememberhowtospellyourlastnameIjustknowthereisaZinit: One of the men was wearing this hat AND I knew the Bruins are a hockey team…..any consolation??—

So the Hungry Man, his friend, Bruins guy, and a lady eat half of the brownies for Journal Club this morning before I even get to work.  Great.

Moral of the story: If you give a hungry man a brownie, he’ll want to invite his friends over and they will eat the whole batch.