Today on the light rail, me and my friends met a cowboys fan.

So you might remember JAYME from previous stories. Jayme and I went to Reliant to tailgate for the Texans vs. Cowboys game. Despite the awful weekend of football she and I experienced, our ride home proved to be the best part of the day. Jayme, Nick, and I left the tailgates right before the end of the game in order to beat the rush. We shoved to the front of the train and were the last to squeeze in our car. We notice this cowboys man wearing some bling. He had on this crazy diamond star. Jayme and I were wearing these shirts from www.htxsmackgear.com that said “Dallas Hater”. Of course, Dallas fans don’t know how to read so they give us high 5s once they see the word Dallas. And this man did the same for Jayme.
Jayme: “Dallas HATER…look!!”
Dewayne: “AWWW no!!!”
Jayme: “There ain’t room for Dallas fans on this train.”

Mind you, the train is packed tight. Nick’s armpit is in my face and Jayme’s butt is all up on Dewayne.

Jayme: “Is this pretty little lady your wife? She may not like how close we are.”
The woman nods her head and laughs.
Jayme: “Whats your name boo?”
Dewayne: “Dewayne”
Jayme: “Ohhh Dwayne..”
Dewayne: “No.. DE – WAYNE”
We all start laughing. I’m not sure why…but we’re laughing really loud. At this point I notice my friend Cody is on the same train. He probably didn’t expect the loud girl to be with me.
Jayme: “I’m Jayme…with a J-A-Y-M-E”
Dewayne finds this funny and laughs as much as we laughed at his name.
Dewayne: “I gotta take a picture of your shirt”
Jayme poses in some seductive manner and he snaps a photo with his blackberry.
Jayme: “Lemme take a picture of all of you guys.”

Dewayne’s camera isn’t working and for some reason I have Jayme’s iPhone in hand so I snap this picture:

Light Rail Friends

Most of what happened after this is a blur due to excessive liquid entertainment at the tailgate prior to this trip. I do, however, remember Jayme telling Dewayne he would be on my blog. And then the following.
Dewayne: “I’m on twitter. You should check me out.”
me: “What’s your name?”
Dewayne: “Twitmeman”
me: “Do WHAT?”
Dewayne: “TWITMEMAN”
I decided to look him up…and sure enough…Dewayne Harrison..right there…in the twitterverse. So I naturally had to follow him.
Jayme: “wait you have to spell it for me..”
Dewayne: “T-W-I-T-M-E-M-A-N”
Jayme: “Me and Katie are your only two followers..was up with that?”
Dewayne: “I just got on it!”

The conversation continues about twitter and blogging. Jayme was able to sit down at one point, but never really sat on the seat..she sat on the top of it..strange, yes. She then lectured the little boy, who was now at her eye level, that he should not be a cowboys fan.

Jayme: “I’m writing a blogpost called ‘If the Cowboys are America’s Team, I don’t want to be American’.

The entire train laughed so loud. We realize the whole train is listening to our conversation at this point and laughing at how obnoxious we are.

At some point, somebody decided this picture would be a good idea:

Me and Dewayne

Oh now I remember…this was after this picture Jayme took of his massive bicep and I was showing my amazement at his muscles, I suppose.

big swoll

Notice Dewayne’s towel in hand. At one point during the train ride, Jayme HAD to say something about this since we saw another man earlier in the day carrying an old rag.
Jayme: “Whatchu do, go through your mom’s laundry and find the most raggidy looking towel to carry as a sweat rag? It probably smells nasty too!”
Dewayne and friends had no response but to laugh.

Moral of story: Never ride the light rail with your friends. And follow @twitmeman on twitter…maybe he’ll actually start tweeting.

Today on the light rail, I experienced my first public transportation drinker.

My schedule was very different than normal due to these dumb experiments, so I drove to and from work most of the morning and didn’t catch the train until right after lunchtime. The train has a much lighter crowd during this non-peak time, but unfortunately just like I hate using handicapped bathroom stalls, I don’t like sitting in the seats marked for seniors and disabled folks. Therefore, I was stuck sitting next to drunky.

Drunky is holding a paper bag with what appears to be a 40. He’s so dirty and smells like a mixture of piss and beer. He keeps drinking his beer but for some reason tries to hide it. It’s a brown paper bag shaped like a giant can…what the hell else will people think it is??

Drunky won’t stop giggling.
Drunky: to me “Where you headed?”
Me: “Work”
Drunky: “Ain’t it a little late to be goin to work?”
Me: “I’ve already been twice today.”
I notice his eyes are completely glazed over and his head continues to bob around in circles. Dear lord please don’t barf on me.
Drunky: “I aintagonnna go ta no job bcusagjkagh I aintagottaagjoobbbb”
I smile.
Drunky: “I likesagfg your pink bagafgag. I likessssghhh ittt.”
Smile, awkwardly.
Drunky: “Cangnnn yoouuss sppare messs some changesS? I jus gotta getttsss a ticket bacckk homeee laatteerrsss.”
Me: “I only have pennies.”
Drunky: “mmaayybbee shsutjjustt gimmmessoommee peenniieess and I’lll throwww dem in daaa ponndd at da paarrkk”
Me: “huh?”
I gave him 5 pennies.
Drunky: “tathhhaannnkkk yoouu.”

He looks out the window and keeps mumbling. Then, he takes the pennies..one by one…and throws them at the window. Some bounce and land in his lap and he continues to giggle. And then he finishes his beer with a large burp.

I stand up for the rest of the trip.

Moral of the story: If you give a drunk a penny, he’ll want a glass of “I’m an idiot”.

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