Today on the light rail, I was reminded why I was a mascot and not a cheerleader.

When I stepped on the light rail this morning, I noticed a large dorky looking man with thick framed glasses holding a stack of papers stapled together. He was opened to one page that had a picture of a Texans cheerleader with what looked to be a bio. Me, being nosey, looked at the first page that was hanging down from his stack, and I kid you not..this is what it appeared to be:

I watched him turn the pages and realized he had printed out the pictures and bio of every single Texans cheerleader.

Maybe he was going to some trivia event that required knowing EVERYTHING about the cheerleaders….or MAYBE he’s just a certified creeper by light rail standards.

Moral of the story: At least it wasn’t the cowboy cheerleaders, I suppose.

Today on the light rail, I saw Charles again.

Now I know I’ve blogged about this man before but I can’t remember which creeper post was about him. I’ll add an update later when I have time. Charles is a very nice man that has apparently seen me three times on the light rail. According to Charles, the first time he didn’t talk to me but merely stared at my “beautiful face”. The second time, I sat next to him and we had a conversation (something I know I blogged about, but I’m drawing a blank).

And today is the third time Charles and I have come into contact.

I sit down next to a man on the train…
Charles: “Well hello! Do you remember me?”
Me: “Ummm kind of?”
Charles: “Your name is Katie, right?”
Dammit I must have given this man my real name the last time we spoke….
Me: “uhh yeah….”
Charles: “So good to see you this morning. You heading to work?”
me: “mmhhmmmm”
Charles: “What is it datchu do for work?”
Me: “Oh I do research.”
Charles: “What kind?”
Me: “I can’t really tell you. It’s top secret.”
Eh that’s my way of saying ‘you won’t understand wtf I do because sometimes I don’t even know’
Charles: “Ohhh you do like important secret government stuff huh?”
Me: “Somethin like that…”
Charles: “well dats coo. You work in da hospital?”
Me: “For a med school.”
Charles: “das neat. Where you go to skoo?”
Me: “UT”
Charles: “Oh yous a smart girl. I got 99 hours and never went back to skoo. I went to Texas A&M Kingsville, formerly known as Texas A&I (?). I was on da football team. I was vice president of my freshman class. I was a Kappa, so yous know I was big timin’ it.”
Me: “ha.”
Charles: “I had to move back here for my girlfriend cus her mama got sick and day needed me.”
Me: “Oh.”
Charles: “You have a good weekend? You go to the park to watch the fireworks?”
Me: “My weekend was great. No we watched them at a friend’s house. I went to galveston with a friend Saturday.”
Charles: “Oh really? whatchu do there?”
Me: “Stuff.”
Charles: “das coo. I always want to go to galveston but I ain’t got no car right now. I’m fiddin to get one in March I think.”
Me: “ha.”
Charles: “Whatchu nervous over there?”
He’s looking at my nails…yeah I have a bad habit of biting them.
Me: “Oh sorry just a bad habit of mine.
Charles: “Aint no reason to be nervous round me. Listen. Can I have yo number? I’m a lonely man and need somebody to talk to.”
Me: “Ummm I don’t think that’s a good idea. I don’t know you.”
Charles: “Butchu can get to know me!”
Me: “No…that’s ok.”
Charles: “Well yous gotcher phone right der so jus put my number in it!”
Me: “hahaha..”
Charles: “I’m serious. What you datin somebody or somethin?”
Me: “perhaps.”
Charles: “Well tell yo boyfriend dat I jus wanna be friends. here’s my number: 713……”
He starts to say his number and makes sure I put it in my phone. Don’t worry, I deleted it as soon as I got off the train.
Charles: “You gotsta understand…I seen you 3 times on here. You have some beautiful green eyes.”
Me: “They’re green today???”
Charles: “yeah…what color are they supposed to be?”
Me: “Oh…usually brown…but sometimes they’re green…”
Charles: “Well I seen you 3 times and dey always be green. You know the Lord puts people in your life for a reason. And I think he put you in my life for a very special reason. It’s like we’re meant to be together or sumthin. I’m a strong believer in who God puts in my life and I seen you 3 times so there’s some sort of sign he’s givin me to ask you out.”

Yes, I promise you the above part happened. And yes I feel just as awkward as you do reading that.

Charles: “…We can be more than just metro talkers. We can go out to dinner…”
Me: “I’m sorry I don’t think that’s a good idea. Thanks for the compliments. I have to get off now.”
Charles: “You gonna call me?”
Me: “haha.”

I got off the train one stop before my usual and just walked the distance to work, even though it was a million degrees outside.

Moral of the story: If seeing somebody 3 times on the light rail is God’s way of telling you to date somebody, I should be married to half the homeless people on it.

Today on the light rail…platform, I met an educated creeper.

This may not seem like the most outlandish of light rail tales, but it’s def kind of weird and a bit creepy. But also, this reaffirms the truth behind the “always wear a dress” guy’s logic. Not like it really matters, but I was wearing another Polo dress today. A pink one.

This morning, I’m minding my own business when a 4-eyed guy in glasses and scrubs says “Hello.” and stood bye me for a minute as if he wanted me to have a conversation with him. I said “hi” and quickly went back to my phone. I didn’t think anything of this awkward exchange other than the fact I felt like he was staring at me and it made me uncomfortable. But nonetheless, he was wearing scrubs and can obviously afford eyecare, therefore not somebody I find interesting enough to blog about until 5:00 this evening, that is.

The day goes on…I go home. When I exit the light rail, I sneeze.

“Gesundheit”
Me: “Thank you”…but me being the rude person I am, I don’t turn around and make eye contact with said blesser.

Turns out 4Eyes from this morning was the culprit.

4eyes: “Hello. Do you remember me? I said Hi to you this morning?”
Please remember this is said in the most strange way possible…not even kidding you…
Me: “Ummm I guess..”
4Eyes: “Well umm Do you want to go have a cup of coffee?”

What I wanted to say was “holy shit it’s 100 degrees right now and you want to have coffee?” but I said…

Me: “Have to go coach swim practice…I’m sorry!”
In awkward situations, I tend to be overly nice or overly rude…today I was being too nice because I followed up with “although I do need the caffeine..hehe.”

4eyes: “Oh that’s ok. Maybe another time.”
(awkward silence)
4eyes: “So my name is (insert boys name here that starts w/ M and ends w/ itch), what’s yours?”
Me: “Katie.”
4eyes: “Nice to meet you, Katie.”

At this point, I’ve picked up my pace…I knew what may have come next..he speeds up too to walk beside me…

4eyes: “Well I guess I’ll see you around…hopefully soon…”
Me: “probably.”
What? I wasn’t going to lie to him…we ride the light rail to the same place, of course I’m going to see him.

By this point, I’ve semi sprinted into traffic to avoid more of this conversation…and now that he knows where my apartment is……

Moral of the story: Please, 4eyes, don’t be a today on the light rail blog reader.

Today on the light rail, I was in an intense text message conversation.

If I listed interests on my resume, one would say “texting”. I’m a texting phenomenon…but that’s because I grew up in that early stage of instant messaging/emailing/texting. People my age would rather chat on IM than hang out in person during middle school…now we would rather have serious conversations via text or email instead of in person. I will admit that I do have a bad habit of texting when I’m around other people. I can’t help this addiction, unfortunately. My brother-in-law uses the term in the title of this post to describe my sister and me. And today’s light rail adventure proves I earned this nickname…

It started at the light rail platform. A dude with a large pink polo and crisply starched jeans sits down next to me while I’m texting.
PinkShirt: “How are you doing today?”
I don’t realize he’s speaking to me because I’m so into this text message conversation…
PinkShirt: “Ya ain’t gonna talk to me?”
Me: “Oh huh? I’m good.”
PinkShirt: “You look beautiful today.”
Me: “What?? Oh. Thanks.”

Train arrives. I sit down awkwardly next to a guy that is halfway hogging the second seat with his bag. So one of my cheeks is hanging off the side in an attempt not to bother him. I continue texting, green sunglasses still on and all. This man in front of me is kind of sitting sideways and facing me.

NoseyMan: “My Hello beautiful girl in the green sunglasses!”
Note: I did not know what he said…because I wasn’t paying attention..but he repeated himself.
NoseyMan: “You deaf”
Still no response from me. I honestly did not hear this man talking.
NoseyMan: “Man whatchu be doin on your phone that’s so important?”
Finally, I snap out of it…
Me: “Huh? what? I’m just texting.”
The NoseyMan repeats the above compliment and explains he’s been trying to get my attention.
Me: “Oh thank you..I’m sorry…just kind of busy.”
NoseyMan: “Who you be texting? You fast at that. You so into it” he then proceeds to mock me..pretending he’s holding a phone.
Me: “haha”
NoseyMan: “Man I ain’t seen nobody do that like you. Whatchur name?”
My ID is in my pocket, so it’s safe for me to give out a fake name.
Me: “Alex.”
NoseyMan: “Nice to meet you Alex, I’m Marcus.”
I think he tries to shake my hand but I avoid that type of contact with a stranger. I pretend I’m too busy texting…because I am…
NoseyMan: “Well you best make sure you don’t miss your stop. Have a good one!”
Me: “You too.”

If the man only knew how many times I’ve missed/almost missed my stop….

Moral of the story: Damn you, unlimited text messaging.

Today on the light rail, I got busted.

I was running to the light rail this morning and didn’t swipe my Q card. The doors were closing to the train, and it was a double so the swiper deal was way far away. :/

Sooooo….a few stops later, the Metro police hop on
PoPo:”Get out your tickets or Q cards!”

Crap. I didn’t swipe mine.

The guy goes through a few people and gets to me. What do I have that nobody else on the train that hasn’t paid has? Clean clothes and a shower. I use this to my advantage to flirt with the cop

Me: (In the sweetest, most calm, girly-voice-that-I-don’t-have possible) “Umm Sorry sir, but I was running to the train this morning and didn’t swipe it. I’m really very sorry.”
PoPo: (with a smile) “Well why were you runnin so fast, missy?”
Me: “Well if I got on the next train, I would’ve missed seeing you.”
He laughs. So do I.
PoPo: (He puts his hand on my shoulder and whispers..) “Do me a favor and remember next time!”

He caresses my shoulder/pats me on the back. What have I done?

Moral of the story: I don’t normally flirt with old dudes….except when I used to work at a bar…