Today on the light rail, I saw another crazy person.

Once again, this wasn’t really on the light rail. I was exiting the train at my stop when I see this big man walking towards the train yelling at a man across the street by the car dealership. The crazy man was yelling profanity at the big man…unfortunately, I was the only person exiting the train who needed to cross the street to where this man was. The people in their cars at the stoplight could see my confusion with this situation and timidness to cross the street. I try avoiding this man by walking closer to the dealership, but turns out he was heading in the same direction. I try to avoid listening to him until he says “get you ho ass home” because we made eye contact and I was semi-giggling at him.

CrazyMan: “You white a$$ country a$$ ho. get the f&*! away from me.”

I’m walking faster…CrazyMan gets louder the further away I get..

CrazyMan: “Get yo a$$ away…unless you gunna gimme sum money.

oh so NOW he wants to be my friend…

CrazyMan: “You owe me some money you country a$$ ho. puttin my peoples all in slavery and shit. you still owe me money. folks be givin us tattoos wit knives an shit. yous a bunch a crazy a$$ white people.”

HOLD UP….alright..I understand history and I understand what happened in the past. And yes, I do feel remorse for events that occurred during that time and believe white southern Americans were quite possibly out of their mind. BUT that was in the 1800s, and you, sir were not alive during that time. So I owe you NOTHING. You’re the crazy a$$ man roaming the streets disturbing the peace and begging for money from people who are minding their own business.

So, reader, whatever your thoughts are..I still stick with the fact I owe this man NADA.

CrazyMan: “Yeah you go home to your air condition. and your TV. Dos things us people cant ever seem to get. Country a$$ white folk…..”

He continued mumbling as I neared closer and closer to my apartment, frantically texting an Aggie (hey, he sent me a message while I was walking and I needed somebody to be on hand in case something happened..).

Don’t worry, I made it home OK….

Moral of the story: I’m afraid when I get mace, I’ll just use it on stupid people…

Today on the light rail………it was super crowded.

That’s boring so we’ll use my neighbor and friend, Gillum’s story.

The other evening after I finished my letter to my future husband, the following series of texts happened between me and Gillum.  Before I begin, let me preface this by saying Gillum is a fairly new light rail regular.  Due to unfortunate circumstances with his car, he has resorted to traveling all the way from midtown to Fannin South Station on a daily basis.  Gillum rides WAAYYYY earlier in the morning than I…as in, I’m still asleep when he’s walking to the rail.  We also take the rail back to Midtown at different times.  So here I am…it’s about 6ish in the evening…

Gillum: Got a guy on the train, singing to himself, with a whole bunch of signs! Lol!
Me: Take a Picture!!!
Gillum:
Me: What do the signs say and what is he singing??
Gillum: Something about standing together, something about “global” stuff I can’t read them very well, and his singing is not making much sense.

So Time-out…what we have here is your classic bum-activist. He’s probably singing his own verion of “We Are the World” and butchering it worse than Justin Bieber. But that safety vest all made of plastic doesn’t seem to environmentally friendly, buddy..

Gillum: The signs are old mayor campaign signs that he wrote on the back of. Haha a few really big ones and 6 or 7 smaller ones.

On a side-note, without the permission of Laura, I’m going to share the comment she posted on my Facebook about her ridiculous experience riding to Med school: I’ve been riding the light rail to school also and it has been uneventful until yesterday when I saw a balding man wearing a hot pink tank, black booty shorts, white tights, and black boots.. he also had small breasts or a bra with generous padding. I was too chicken to take a picture!

Reminds me of cross-dressing Leslie from Austin.

Moral of the story: I TOLD you these people on the light rail are crazy. Now that I’ve made you all more aware of your surroundings on public transportation, click the “Share Your Story” link on the sidebar…oh and the “Donate to a Good Cause”….

Today on the light rail, there was a disturbance.

Yep, the driver announced it over the intercom, but she was not in the middle of the “disturbance” like me. I was sitting down in a very unusual seat for me when a man sat down next to me.

StrangeMan: “Whats she all lookin at me for like dat?”

At this moment, I thought he was referring to the baby in the stroller right in front of us who was staring at him..

StrangeMan: “You got a problem?? Why you starin like dat? You could jus take a pitcher”

Again, is he talking to the baby? Oh no……

PreggersLady: “I ain’t starin atchu. Why you all up in my bidness?”
StrangMan: “You lookin ugly over there. You gots a monkey face. You look like a monkey.”
PreggersLady: “I AIN’T LOOKIN ATCHU SO YOU BEST BE STEPPIN”

I had to go to urbandictionary.com to find the meaning of this phrase. Apparently it means to back off or step off.

StrangeMan: “You gots a Monkey face. You all starin at me. I aint tryna holla atchu.”
PreggersLady: “YOU BES GET THA HELL AWAY FROM ME!”

StrangeMan stands up at this point and begins to walk to the front. He’s still mumbling/talking about this woman.

Friend of PreggersLady: “HOMEBODY YOU BETTER SHUT THE F*%$ UP!!!!!!!”

Now this above statement was LOUD…she said it in front of her child in the stroller…hmmmm….

So the man walks to the front of train and I hear some other woman yelling at him. He must’ve thought somebody else was staring at him. This woman is going at him though. Nothing physical, just words…I couldn’t make out the words because it sounded like a hyena yelling at him. All of a sudden the driver says, “We have a disturbance on the train!”

No shit. Where were you two stops ago when this “disturbance” got on the light rail. As far as I know, nothing happened to the man or woman in the front. I thought the PreggersLady by me was about to go into labor. She was fuming.

Moral of the Story: That’s why I wear sunglasses on the train……

Today on the light rail, I met the wicked witch of the west:

The train was PACKED today and it seemed like there were more people in wheelchairs than every before.  This woman was squeezing through the train trying to find a seat, I guess (and we wonder why Houston is the fattest city in America).  She was quite ugly but her Juicy jumpsuit gave off the “I’m-better-than-you-and-I-don’t-care-what-you-think-because-I’m-a-diva-and-I’ll-cut-you-and-your-little-dog-too” vibe.  I was standing next to one of the center poles, trying not to fall on top of the man in the wheelchair.  This witch (pun intended) comes from behind me…..

Witch: “Girl I know you know how to move when somebody be tryin’ to get by.”

I don’t say anything as she slides past me with her giant fake Fendi purse.

Witch (to man by me): “I said ESSSCUUUSSEEEEE ME!”

Now, I only type exactly how I hear things so don’t blame the writer on this one…

At this point, the lady is literally stepping over the man in the wheelchair.  I mean, if I was going to crawl over a man who can’t help but stay stationary, I would at least give him a courtesy lap dance.  Where were her manners on this one?

She finally got to the only seat open on the rail and let out a giant “UUGHHHH”.

Moral of the story: I learned my manners from Sesame Street, not a Cracker Jack box.

By the way, my phone battery was not charged last night, hence the reason I don’t have an actual picture of this woman..because believe me, I would’ve taken it to post her face all over the internet for being so rude.