Today on the light rail, I met the most BRILLIANT panhandler. Genius, I tell you. I’m telling you this is EPIC compared to other light rail stories (not to mention yesterdays EPIC FAIL because you dweebs won’t post your comment).
I was sitting in a seat next to your typical smelly-wearing-all-the-clothes-he-owns-at-one-time street person, when he says to me:
“Excuse me, do you have a pen or a marker?”
I do have a pen in my purse, which is coincidentally a Student Goverment pen that says “EMPOWER” on it (reference my Facebook status on Tuesday, if you can). But I notice the man has a piece of a cardboard box with him pressed between him and the window and realize the permanant marker I took from the lab the other day to label eppendorf tubes at home would be a viable alternative for him.
Me: “Will this Sharpie work?”
Genius: “Thank you!”
I start watching him as he writes on the cardboard box. He starts with the words “HEY ELIN…” and I think to myself, man this is going to be good. He has kind of sloppy handwriting so it’s hard to see the rest, but I make out the words “PICK ME”…then I start texting and begin to ignore him until I see the final product.
On brown cardboard, the sign says:
HEY ELIN! PICK ME:
-NO $$$ FOR HOOKER
-CAN MAKE YOUR BEDROCK
I died laughing. This man knows how to make money, by using pop culture.
Me: “Wow that sign is brilliant!”
Genius: “Jus sumthin I came up wit. Hopefully it works.”
Me: “Do you want this granola bar? I feel like I should give you something. You can keep the marker..”
Genius: “Thanks!”
I gave him my granola bar because although I did have cash, it was in the form of $20 bills and my mom would be mad if I gave this man a twenty for making me laugh.
There’s a long pause where I notice he forgot the “S” at the end of “hookers”.
Me: “You forgot the S..”
Genius: “No. Did it on purpose.”
I’m confused, obviously.
Genius: “I have to get off now.”
Me: “Good luck!”
I truly believe this man made the funniest sign I’ve ever seen…and the fact he knew today was Tiger’s press conference was awesome. Too bad he didn’t talk much, I wanted some more laughs today.
Moral of the story: If you see this sign today in Houston, give him some money.
