Today on the light rail, I was reminded of the reason why I started this blog in the first place just one year ago.

Rainy day rides on the light rail are always the most exciting as there are way more illegal riders. Today I arrived at the light rail stop in my rain jacket, holding a banana. There were two men standing and talking. One man had a hole at the top of his chest/bottom of his neck from a tracheotomy. There was a metal device around the hole, and it was rather small. He placed his finger on the hole while looking at me.

TooManyHoles: “Say, you wanna trade your banana for this orange?”
Me: “I already took a bite out of this.”
I unwrap the banana and show him the top.
TooManyHoles: “Aint no problem since it was your lips on the banana.”
Me: “ha…”

I’m no expert in the realm of tracheotomy’s but begin to realize he has to cover the whole in order to talk. That must get old.

Me: “I mean..if you really want it….”
TooManyHoles: “naw naw..eat your banana.”

I continue eating my banana and listen to the conversation between the two men.

TooManyHoles: “Man I done conked out after that bottle last night. I gots it for christmas and woooooo. I’m tired.”

He looks at me because I’m giggling a bit.

TooManyHoles: “I was drinking some courvoisier.”
Me: “My mom likes that with Kahlua and coffee.”
TooManyHoles: “Man..I drink it straight up. I got dat bottle for christmas and drank it all last night.”
Me: “How big was the bottle?”

He used his hands to show me the size. It seemed pretty big.


Me: “how are you alive?”
TooManyHoles: “Mann I be in the army before so I used to drink a WHOLE LOT mo. But I tell you, I did NOT wanna wake up dis mornin’………….lemme guess, you a nurse and work for UT?”
Me: “No I do research..But I went to UT in Austin.”
TooManyHoles: “das cool, you be helpin people all day.”
Me: “No I get bored most of the time.”
TooManyHoles: “well least is a job and yous know yous be helpin somebody out der. When you get bored das where you put on dem headphones and rock out, yaknowwhatimsayin?”

As he says this, he bobs his head around like he’s “rocking out”.


TooManyHoles: “You know I be livin in Austin but is boring.”
Me: “What? No it’s not!”
TooManyHoles: “Ain’t nothin der but sixth street!”
Me: “Well I like to kayak on town lake or go runnin.”
TooManyHoles: “Do I look like I wanna go near no damn water???? I sure as hell aint do no runnin neither. I gots too many holes and water get all up in me and I be drownin. Aint nobody gonna put on some kayak. you crazy.”

I pull out my phone to obviously share a few tweets or texts or whatever the hell I was doing at that time.

TooManyHoles: “See you gots dat phone. Someday Imma see you on dis platform and your thumbs gonna be bigger than mine.”
I laugh.

After what seems like an eternity, the train finally arrives. We stand next to each other on the train before he exits at the next stop.

TooManyHoles: “You have a blessed day at work. And don’t do no drugs or you end up wit too many holes and you can’t kayak no mo. hehehehehehe”

Moral of the story: Serious question…How do you drink courvoisier with a hole in your neck?

I’m not one to celebrate anniversaries, but this is one I’m pretty proud of and excited for the future. I would like to thank anybody that has stumbled upon this blog and continued to follow the stories for the past year. I take pride in meeting people on the light rail and putting a smile on your face. Thanks for all the retweets, links, and recommendations to friends. In just under a year I was able to snag the Houston Press Reader’s Choice award for “Best Local Blog”. It’s truly an honor and I hope you continue to follow my light rail travels. I’m glad majority of you can see past my grammar and spelling mistakes. Thanks a million!

Today on the light rail, I was judged by the color of my fleece jacket.

I woke up at 5:30 this morning and couldn’t fall back asleep, so I did what any good scientist would do…I woke up and went to work. This meant riding the light rail ridiculously early- as in 2 hours earlier than normal. A few light rail riders congregated at my stop and told me good morning. When we stepped on the train one man pointed out my jacket.

Man: “I don’t care how cold it is outside, I wouldn’t be caught dead wearin dat right now!”
Man2: “yuh..you folks not doin well dis year. might as well be wearin UofH colors.”

I smile.

Man: “How you gonna be wearin dat out in public, you aint embarrassed?”

At this point, I hope you can assume that I am wearing a burnt orange fleece.

Me: “I’m still a fan.”
Man2: “Yeah I guess yous got basketball.”
Me: “mmmhhmmm”
Man: “But aint nobody care bout no damn basketball. I done saw tons of UT stuff at dis goodwill stop and i aint want nun of it.”
Man2: “Man quit harassing dis pretty little girl.”
Man: “All I’m sayin is dat be an ugly color right now and I’m surprised she has the guts to wear it.”
Man2: “You jus sayin dat cus you lost money on dem a few times.”
Man: “I’m sayin it because I’m disappointed in dem horns. They aint nothin without VY and you damn well know dat.”
Man2: “Dat white boy colt did a good job.”

The two keep rambling. By this point I find myself closing my eyes in an attempt to catch a few Z’s before I get to work.

Man: “SAY! SAY..wake up! you go to school der?”
Me: “huh?”
Man: “You go to University of Texas?”
Me: “Yes I graduated in 2008.”
Man: “aight den. yous ok wearing dat. is true is a good school. congratulations on gettin through.”
Me: “Thanks”
Man: “but you aint never see me in dat color no more.”

I smile.

Moral of the story: Damn you, Longhorn Football…

Today I’m not even sure if the light rail is running…

…but I do know that I sincerely hope all the individuals I encounter on the train have a warm place to sleep and good food to eat on this very special day.

Merry Christmas to you and your families!

And if you don’t celebrate Christmas, there’s probably a chinese restaurant open…and a few starbucks.

Peace and Love,

KSo

Today on the light rail, I was given a mission.

Now, I know most of my readers are a bit bummed by the lack of posts in the recent months (or my mom is, at least). You know how it goes..life gets in the way…stupid people criticize…hearts break…and most importantly I don’t get paid to blog, so my attention must shift to the money making gig, yaknowwhatimsayin? Nonetheless, with right about a year under my belt with the TOTLR Blog, things will pick up on a daily basis again and continue to make you smile as you creep the internets.

So today…I was given a mission by a man wearing a “DAWSON CHEERLEADER” hoodie that was clearly sized for a young girl. We both hop on the train at the same stop and I somehow sit next to him. He has this nervous chewing habit going on.

FakeMaleCheerleader: “Oh shiiitttttttttt”

He slouches down a bit and nearly pushes me out of my seat. I’m not really in the mood to play games with this man so I keep texting.

FakeMaleCheerleader: “Dayyumm dat may be her…shittttttttttttttt”

Now at this point I’m curious. I look up and see a girl with another boy looking back. They’re whispering. I look back at FakeMaleCheerleader who is now looking at me.

FakeMaleCheerleader: “I done did dat girl wrong.”
I smile and look back down at my phone.
FakeMaleCheerleader: “She be all up in my bidniss and I just done ran out on her.”
I continue to not get involved.
FakeMaleCheerleader: “wait maybe thats not her. I can’t tell. i gots some bad eyes but cant see no doctor. say…ax her what her name is…”
Me: “Excuse me?”
FakeMaleCheerleader: “just do me a favor and ax her what her name is.”
Me: “Well won’t that be obvious?”
FakeMaleCheerleader: “I needta know!”
Me: “Can’t you ask her?”
Fakemalecheerleader: “I aint got no money but if I did I’d pay you for this.”

It is christmas….

Me: “excuse me, he wants to know your name.”
FakeMaleCheerleader: “You weren’t ‘possed to say it like dat!”

Woman: “I aint needa tell you shit. He damn well know my name and he damn well know he did me wrong. Why you all steppin up in my bidness? Sittin der starin at me and MY MAN.”
FakeMaleCheerleader: “ay don’t be yellin at dis pretty girl she was just helpin me out.”
Woman: “OHHH der you go again hittin on anything w/ a p—y”

They continue to get into it when the man decides to move to another part of the train. When the stop for the soup kitchen arrives, the woman and her man start to exit. She stops at my seat. I’m about to crap my pants because I was scared.

Woman: “He a rude man. I’m sorry for hollerin in front of you. Yous good people. have a good day. Merry Christmas”

Moral of the story: It’s OK to turn down a mission given to you by a stranger.

Yesterday on the light rail, the Grinch took a ride.

I’m never lucky enough to experience one of the crazy light rail events…like seeing the Grinch…or riding the train when it crashes into a bus. I have noticed the voice of the Grinch on the light rail lately. The first time I heard the advertisement, I was completely confused. Yesterday, it made a child behind me cry and scream. Thanks, Grinch.

Apparently Grinch was out and about yesterday riding the light rail. Here’s a video posted on KHOU.com that’s actually kind of entertaining. Makes me wish I could ride the light rail in the UT mascot suit.

Moral of the story: Not gonna lie…I kind of want to see this performance now…