Today on the light rail, I was given the secret to happiness, amongst many other things.

It started on the light rail platform today. I was sitting next to a few men when another guy comes up to one.

HomelessMan: “Good Day sir”
ManNextToMe: “maan whatchu want?”


This exchange led me to believe they may know each other..or have at least conversed in some way or another in the past.

HomelessMan: “It ain’t right fo you to be greetin me dat way. You need some money?”
ManNextToMe: “Whatchu talkin bout. Get on wit yo crazy talk.”
HomelessMan: “What if the Lord sent me to you to give you money and you be talkin all rude?”
ManNextToMe: “I said be gone!”
HomelessMan: “You know I was gonna give you $3000 cus you my boy and what happens when one day I’m in jail I may need $3000 for you to get me out and das when it’ll come back. What goes around comes around.”

The man next to me is obviously frustrated with this homeless guy. HomelessMan was carrying a plastic bag with all kinds of newspaper clippings. There was a box of granola bars, too. The box seemed old so I question if there is actually food inside. So we get on the train and here starts the Homeless Man’s rant.

HomelessMan: “You people need to be nice to one another. I can take you to da bank right now and getchu $3000. You don’t even know. Jesus is all I live my life for and things be turnin around for me. I’m sent to tell you to be a little bit nicer. Ain’t nobody want your negativity. Look..I turn my life to the Lord and look what I got”

He pulls out a large white envelope.

HomelessMan: “Look, it says ‘Do Not Bend. Pho-toes enclosed. Imma bidniz man. I gots lotsa bidniz doin blinds and stuff.”

He pulls out one of his flyers and reads every word as he points to it.

HomelessMan: “…I couldnta done dis without the cop. She helped me out and done mailed this to me. It’s all because the Lord sent me to jail that I met her and she be helpin me get bidniz. Now I am a disciple”

He continued to rant and the two men from the platform just keep arguing with him and telling him he’s crazy. As he exits the train at the stop for the soup kitchen, he says “The Lord is coming!”

Moral of the story: I don’t quite understand why he offered the man $3000 and then said he was going to need it back later to get out of jail…

Today on the light rail….

Oh wait…

I didn’t ride the light rail today…

Because my car got broken into last night at the Y…

and my purse was stolen…

Thus my light rail card was stolen.

Moral of the story: If you’ve ever stolen from somebody, I hope you never read my blog ever again.

Today on the light rail platform, a man offered me personal hygiene products.

There was a homeless man sitting on the light rail platform with a bag of goodies- mostly just blankets and clothes. I sit down next to him and he greets me with a friendly “Good morning” and a smile. His teeth are practically all missing but it was one of those ridiculously happy smiles. We all know I’m not the happiest person in the morning, but I couldn’t help but smile back at this man. I gave him a half smile and a good morning and figured that would be the end of the discussion.

Mr.Clean: “Aww c’mon you can do better than that!”
Me: “huh?”
Mr.Clean: “I’m sure you gotsa nicer smile than that half one..lemme see it.”
Me: He makes me giggle a bit, so I give him a smile.
Mr.Clean: “Das more like it. How you doin dis morning..you good?”
Me: “I’m alive, so yep!”
Mr.Clean: “Das da spirit.”
By the way, a little whistle comes out everytime he talks since he has very little teeth.
Me: “And you?”
Mr.Clean: “I just done took me a nice hot shower, gonna get some nice food down der and I’m ready for da day!”
Me: “That’s good.”

Mr.Clean pulls out Caress body soap from his bag.
Mr.clean: “Do you use dis stuff?”
Me: “Can’t say that I do…”
Mr.Clean: “oh. well you want this?”
I hesitate for a second. I DID take a shower this morning, right? Of course!
Me: “Umm that’s ok, I have soap at home.”
Mr.Clean: “well you can have dis it smells like flowers, I liked it.”
Me: “Oh.”
Mr.Clean: “How bout this?”
He pulls out a bottle of Suave shampoo.
Me: “I’m fine, thanks.”
Mr.Clean: “Ok..suit yourself. Imma git me some mo manly stuff down at da shelter and I was given dis stuff by some woman so didn’t want it to go to waste.”
Me: “Thanks for the offer. Maybe you can give it to somebody down there.”
Mr.Clean: “Maybe. But dem broads don’t even be takin showers.”

He laughs as he says this so I figure it’s OK for me to laugh along with him. The train finally comes and we step on together. He points out a seat for me to sit in and then stands by me. He’s pretty silent most of the time until he’s about to get off at the stop before mine for the soup kitchen.
Mr.Clean: “Last call, you sure you don’t want none of dis good smellin stuff??”
Me: “No thank you.”
Mr.Clean: “You have a blessed day, ma’am.”

Moral of the story: You would tell me if I had BO, wouldn’t you?

Lately, the light rail has been full of the same stuff I always blog about. It’s the same old homeless people asking for change/food/phone numbers, and the same fat people taking up multiple seats.

Alas, something new, yet related to trains to blog about.

If you’re like me, you enjoy commercials. When I watch TV with people, they feel like commercials are a good time to have a conversation, but unfortunately this is not the case. I probably enjoy commercials more than the actual show. Superbowl? I don’t care who is playing..I just want to see the commercials (until they stopped those awesome pepsi ones).

One thing I have noticed, along with many other people (especially @KeithStoeckeler), is the excessive use of “Hey Soul Sister” by Train. I’m sure you know the song, but for people like my Mom, here it is:

Now after wasting time watching that video, you know EXACTLY which ads use this song. In any given commercial break, you’ll hear this song a good 5 times. That is 5 more times than I really want to hear it.

Do us all a favor and join the movement. If you work for an ad firm, or if you make home videos, please do not use this song. It is old, overused, and we all know that somebody’s lipstick is somehow stained on homeboy’s brain.

Check out all of the ads with this song here: http://stopadvertisingfrompullingatrain.tumblr.com/

Moral of the story: HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY –it’s annoying.