Today on the light rail, me and my friends met a cowboys fan.

So you might remember JAYME from previous stories. Jayme and I went to Reliant to tailgate for the Texans vs. Cowboys game. Despite the awful weekend of football she and I experienced, our ride home proved to be the best part of the day. Jayme, Nick, and I left the tailgates right before the end of the game in order to beat the rush. We shoved to the front of the train and were the last to squeeze in our car. We notice this cowboys man wearing some bling. He had on this crazy diamond star. Jayme and I were wearing these shirts from www.htxsmackgear.com that said “Dallas Hater”. Of course, Dallas fans don’t know how to read so they give us high 5s once they see the word Dallas. And this man did the same for Jayme.
Jayme: “Dallas HATER…look!!”
Dewayne: “AWWW no!!!”
Jayme: “There ain’t room for Dallas fans on this train.”

Mind you, the train is packed tight. Nick’s armpit is in my face and Jayme’s butt is all up on Dewayne.

Jayme: “Is this pretty little lady your wife? She may not like how close we are.”
The woman nods her head and laughs.
Jayme: “Whats your name boo?”
Dewayne: “Dewayne”
Jayme: “Ohhh Dwayne..”
Dewayne: “No.. DE – WAYNE”
We all start laughing. I’m not sure why…but we’re laughing really loud. At this point I notice my friend Cody is on the same train. He probably didn’t expect the loud girl to be with me.
Jayme: “I’m Jayme…with a J-A-Y-M-E”
Dewayne finds this funny and laughs as much as we laughed at his name.
Dewayne: “I gotta take a picture of your shirt”
Jayme poses in some seductive manner and he snaps a photo with his blackberry.
Jayme: “Lemme take a picture of all of you guys.”

Dewayne’s camera isn’t working and for some reason I have Jayme’s iPhone in hand so I snap this picture:

Light Rail Friends

Most of what happened after this is a blur due to excessive liquid entertainment at the tailgate prior to this trip. I do, however, remember Jayme telling Dewayne he would be on my blog. And then the following.
Dewayne: “I’m on twitter. You should check me out.”
me: “What’s your name?”
Dewayne: “Twitmeman”
me: “Do WHAT?”
Dewayne: “TWITMEMAN”
I decided to look him up…and sure enough…Dewayne Harrison..right there…in the twitterverse. So I naturally had to follow him.
Jayme: “wait you have to spell it for me..”
Dewayne: “T-W-I-T-M-E-M-A-N”
Jayme: “Me and Katie are your only two followers..was up with that?”
Dewayne: “I just got on it!”

The conversation continues about twitter and blogging. Jayme was able to sit down at one point, but never really sat on the seat..she sat on the top of it..strange, yes. She then lectured the little boy, who was now at her eye level, that he should not be a cowboys fan.

Jayme: “I’m writing a blogpost called ‘If the Cowboys are America’s Team, I don’t want to be American’.

The entire train laughed so loud. We realize the whole train is listening to our conversation at this point and laughing at how obnoxious we are.

At some point, somebody decided this picture would be a good idea:

Me and Dewayne

Oh now I remember…this was after this picture Jayme took of his massive bicep and I was showing my amazement at his muscles, I suppose.

big swoll

Notice Dewayne’s towel in hand. At one point during the train ride, Jayme HAD to say something about this since we saw another man earlier in the day carrying an old rag.
Jayme: “Whatchu do, go through your mom’s laundry and find the most raggidy looking towel to carry as a sweat rag? It probably smells nasty too!”
Dewayne and friends had no response but to laugh.

Moral of story: Never ride the light rail with your friends. And follow @twitmeman on twitter…maybe he’ll actually start tweeting.

Today on the light rail, I was reminded why I was a mascot and not a cheerleader.

When I stepped on the light rail this morning, I noticed a large dorky looking man with thick framed glasses holding a stack of papers stapled together. He was opened to one page that had a picture of a Texans cheerleader with what looked to be a bio. Me, being nosey, looked at the first page that was hanging down from his stack, and I kid you not..this is what it appeared to be:

I watched him turn the pages and realized he had printed out the pictures and bio of every single Texans cheerleader.

Maybe he was going to some trivia event that required knowing EVERYTHING about the cheerleaders….or MAYBE he’s just a certified creeper by light rail standards.

Moral of the story: At least it wasn’t the cowboy cheerleaders, I suppose.

CTA stop at Wrigley

This weekend, I flew to Chicago with my roommate and longtime friend for her birthday. She played soccer at an out of state Big 12 School, so most of her friends are dispersed throughout the Midwest. Four of her college friends met us in Chicago for the Dave Matthews Band concert at Wrigley. She’s a HUGE DMB fan and has been for as long as I can remember, so it was the perfect way to celebrate her 25th birthday. We took a cab most of the time, but I did have a chance to ride the train a few times while we were in the city. The first ride was to Wrigley field on Saturday for the concert. This ride was pretty boring. I was kind of disappointed and already missed my Houston randos.

The concert was incredible, but the line for the red line after was just incredibly long. After pushing through crowds of people, we made our way to the platform upstairs. I have issues with standing too close to people so I moved down the platform a ways. I thought Erin and crew were following. They didn’t so I figured once the train arrived, I could just walk to where they were inside the train.

Unfortunately, this was not the case…We were in two separate cars. The train was super packed so I decided to stay in place and meet them at our destination. I was standing next to a group of what looked like Justin Bieber look alikes. I’m not even kidding you…all different shapes and sizes- dudes in skinny jeans with Bieber fever…with the exception they just came from a Dave concert. I’m old, so standing forever listening to music wears you out..especially while consuming a little booze in the process. So normally, I would find these kids conversation entertaining, but not tonight. They begin to have a conversation about their favorite youtube videos. The “hide ya kids, hide ya wife” video came up. Now, I think the video is hilarious, but when a group of 10 high school aged kids start singing the song really loud word for word, it gets annoying.

Yes, THIS is the song they were singing over and over again. I don’t know if high school kids just like to beat a horse until it’s dead, but I’m already tired of this video and ready to move on to the next viral video. Fortunately they DO move on to the next video..

Now, this next song the kids decided to sing made me a little uncomfortable. They were singing this song really really loud and I was next to this old lady (well, relative). This song is a few years old, and you may have missed it back in the day….warning, this is DEFINITELY NSFW.

By this point, I remembered I had NO idea which stop to exit the train once we hit downtown Chicago. I started to freak out…phone was dead and I could no longer see Erin and crew through the door to the next car. I was tired of listening to Youtube and decided at one of the next stops I would hop off and into the car that Erin was hopefully still in. This stop happened to be the same spot these high schoolers decided to exit the train, allthewhile singing “What what in the butt”…yes, another NSFW, if you have not seen it.

I was so happy to see Erin in the next car, needless to say. Her’s was quiet and calmm thankfully.

Moral of the story: Chicago, you were alright…just too cold for my liking and too obsessed w/ youtube. Where were all my crazy homeless folks and people doing dances like on the subways in NYC? Maybe next trip…

Today on the light rail, there were kids skipping school.

While waiting for the train, a group of high school kids showed up on the platform. There were all wearing the same blue polo with the word “LAMAR” on the left side and khaki pants. None of them bought a ticket for the train.
Girl1: “here come a cop..don’t make eye contact. I said don’t make eye contact as it passes!!”

A metro police car drives by. This group of 6 looks super suspicious even though they were trying to act cool.

Girl2: “Shoot I don’t care. Arrest me. Be better than goin to school to see that dumb b%&*h teacher.”
Girl1: “Girrrlll don’t be actin like that. I dont wanna go to no jail.”

One of the boys had some serious sagging issues. I could see his whole behind..well his boxers, but still. This boy seemed to be the oldest of the group. The train arrives and he directs all of them where to be on the light rail. I stand next to one of the kids sitting where it says “DO NOT SIT”.

Boy1: “we gonna get off at Reliant, right?”
Girl1: “I ono I jus know I’m hungry.”

One of the kids gets off at the next stop and they throw a fit about him.

Girl3: “Man he dumbbb. He prolly jus gunna git on da next train and try n catch us.”
Girl1: “Dat boy a freshman, aint he? Yous a freshman too” (she’s speaking to the kid sitting near me)
Boy2: “Yeah but I should be a sophomore.”
Girl3: “mmmmhmmmm.”
Boy2: “Dontchu say anything you’s a sophomore but should be a junior!”
Girl3: “hol up…I’mma Junior with sophomore credits!”

Through the conversation, I gathered that Girl1 and Girl2 and Boy1 were all sophomores. Girl3 failed some year and is really a sophomore. Probably because she skips class so much. As a sidenote, Girl2 was a little bigger than the other girls. She was the least talkative but stood out the most to me. She was wearing those high top Nikes that are popular these days. They were pink and black. While I was taking a gander at her shoes, I noticed she created “skinny khakis” by putting a rubber band at the bottom of her pants to make them tight around her ankles…probably to show off her shoes. She was actually wearing a pink and black shirt that said “Sweet 16″ under her LAMAR jacket. You would think she was the diva of the group…but that was Girl1…complete with fake eyelashes. After futher eavesdropping, it turns out these kids weren’t even good friends with one of the boys. They just happened to be skipping together.

Girl1 to Boy2: “You should date [girl3]”
Boy2: “pshhhhh”
Girl3: “you crazy? he a freshman. I aint gunna do dat.”
Girl1: “Everybody a couple but me. I wanna boyfriend.”
Girl2: “You got [list of 5 boys names]”
Girl1: “But I dont want no high school boy. Das why I skip school. Imma find me a older man wit a job. get what i want.”
Girl2: “You crazy.”
Boy1: “No she smart cus she so high maintenance. Aint nobody our age gunna spend money on her.”
Girl1: “mmmhhmmmmmm”

The conversation gets even more ridiculous from there but I only took notes on these parts in my phone. They continued to reference really loud how they were skipping school and how many days they skipped last year.

Moral of the story: 1. Don’t skip school. 2. Don’t wear your uniform when you skip school. 3. Don’t ride the light rail illegally when skipping school. 4. Don’t skip school to meet your future baby daddy. (see teen mom entry)

Today on the light rail, I met a teen mom.

Before I begin and give you a chance to criticize, I will let you know I don’t have an issue with unplanned pregnancies. I would much rather a baby be born than not. I have a friend with the cutest son in the entire world from an “unplanned” pregnancy, however she was a college graduate.

I always encounter pregnant women on their way to visit their doctors in the med center. Now, I’ve never been pregnant and don’t plan to be for many many years. A coworker at my first post-college job was pregnant right after I began working so I had the opportunity to see her go through the whole process. It was definately a mind blowing experience for me. So nowadays, I have an appreciation for those women that look like they’re about to pop.

But today…now this was just a funny experience. A pregnant girl that looks about 17, wearing short cut off jean shorts sits down in front of me and her friend (long lost, it seemed) sits down next to her.
TeenMom: “Man dis one hurts more dan da first.”
Friend: “you’re having another boy, right?”
TeenMom: “Yeah. Iono why dis baby be movin so much. I can’t eat nutin without tastin it fo days.”
Friend: “Gross. Did you finish your GED yet?”
TeenMom: “Naw Angelo be keepin me busy at home.”
Friend: “Are you at your parents house?”
TeenMom: “My mom said I ain’t livin there even do every time I get there I get on the computer and open the fridge and stuff. she said it aint my home. I be livin in an apartment on tha norf side.”
Friend: “With your boyfriend?”
TeenMom: “I aint got no boyfriend. I live wit my homegirl. My aunt watches angelo when I gotsa come down here to da doctor.”
Friend: “What about Angelo and dis baby’s father?”
TeenMom: “Angelo’s daddy done did me wrong. I can’t find dis baby’s father. My family be helpin out do. My sisters got three kids so she know what to do. What bout chu? You in college?”
Friend: “I took this semester off to save up some money.”
TeenMom: “One a dese days Imma go to HCC after I get my GRE. But imma find me a man so I don’t need no school.”
Her friend laughs. I giggle too. They stare at me. Thankfully, it’s my stop. And thankfully, I’m wearing sunglasses again these days.

Moral of the story: Don’t ever have sex or you will get pregnant and die.

(for the n00bs, that’s a movie quote)

p.s. Must suck to be a cowgirl fan…