I’ve been a little MIA lately, my bad. Sometimes you just have to take a break from writing to refuel your creative tank.

Today on the light rail, I saw people carrying some pretty ridiculous “stuff”.

This happens pretty often and it just makes me laugh when I see certain items. I’m pretty personal with the way I carry belongings, and I keep everything in my bag on my lap, with the exception of my phone. This will be a new installment to the light rail blog with a few pictures here and there. The camera on my phone will work again one of these days.

Take a gander at what caught my eye…

I'm not even kidding you...This chick had christmas M&Ms..they aren't out yet, are they??

The lady didn't even have them in a shopping bag.

Need I say more?

Moral of the story: Sometimes, some things should NOT be out in the open.

Today on the light rail, I met the next up and coming chef.

It was a rather strange morning on the light rail, probably because I lost my Q card and had to pay cash for a ticket (which I think it RIDICULOUS since money comes out of my paycheck for this..but I wanted to be honest today). Either way, I was sitting by a snoozin’ man so I figured it would be a boring, miserable ride.

Oh boy, was I wrong.

ChefBoyardee: “You want summa dis?”
This man was sitting behind me so I wasn’t sure if he was talking to me. I turned around to find out he was holding a pastry in some foil and asking the man in the row next to me.
OtherDude: “Naw man das OK.”
ChefBoyardee: “How boutchu?”
Me: “I’m ok. Thank you, though.”
Although it DID look declious, my mom would have a fit if I took food from a stranger.
Chefboyardee: “C’mon jus try it! I’m in da cooking school down der and need ya opinion.”
Me: “I already ate breakfast.”
OtherDude: “Naw man I would but I’m a diabetic and dat be puttin me in diabetic shock right der.”
The pastry was some lemon filled concotion with powdered sugar alll over it. In other words, something I wanted really bad but had to decline.
Chefboyardee: (as he shoves a bite in his mouth) “Is a lemon-filled pastry. Is really good. I jus need one you folks to try it.”
I smile.
OtherDude: “Man believe I would. Dis pretty young lady right here should. I just dont got no insulin wit me. My count be normal dis mornin so I don’t wanna mess dat up. yaknowwhatimsayin?”
Chefboyardee: “I feel ya. I’m just tryna get my skills down. wanna see whatchu folks like. Maybe next time.”
He looks back at me.
Chefboyaredee: “What if I told you aint no calories in here wouldya eat it?”
Me: I laugh. “I’m just not hungry. Thanks for the offer.”
Chefboyardee: “Imma bring you sumpin next time. Imma make you try it too!”

But the truth is, I’m always hungry. And I would kill for that pastry…if it was in a store.

Moral of the story: At what age is it OK to take candy from strangers?

Today on the light rail, I noticed there were less seats available. But not only were there less seats AVAILABLE, but less seats existed.

Yes, metro has REMOVED seats on the train. Who in their right mind would REMOVE seats from an overcrowded train?? Metro would, of course, and only for this new Bike initiative.

I’m all about going green and riding bikes, but the fact of the matter is Houston will probably never be a “bike friendly” city as much as you try. Houston needs to accept the fact it’s the ugly step sister to Austin.

Now, this was a non issue in the morning, but today’s ride home I was forced to stand in the area with the hanging handles. The ones that are new, fresh, and grey but by next week will be covered with homeless filth and everyday people sweat, giving it a brown color- much like the water in galveston. The most annoying part about standing here was the constant pushing and people falling everywhere. I’m not the only person who finds this change a little obnoxious. Homeboy in the puka shell necklace ranted about how ridiculous the new layout is the entire way from the med center to my apartment.

Hey, 6th grade called and they want their necklace back, dude.

But the fact of the matter is, people do not know how to stand on a train. Remember my post about htown fatties?? Exactly. I, fortunately, have been formally trained in public transit standing by my sister on the New York City Subway- the mecca of public transportation, if you will. Since Metro wants to create more standing room, here are the rules for standing that I learned from my many trips to NYC:

1. Do NOT touch anything. Not even a handrail. Unless you’re wearing a jacket and stick your hand inside it and hold. Or if you don’t read these rules, then you should probably hold on because you’ll fall over.

8. Don’t text and stand. I am the exception to this rule.

9. A VESPA is NOT considered a bicycle. Good job, Metro.


^thanks to @kylejack for the picture

Moral of the story: Perhaps having more double trains would’ve solved this problem too…..

Today on the light rail, I was NOT a cry baby.

I don’t know HOW it happened, but while I was sitting on the light rail, I felt something sharp and prickly in my shoe. The next thing I know it stuck me and hurt like hell. I screamed “OW!” only to find this barely-speaks-English Asian man turn to stare at me. I take off my shoe. YES, I took off my shoe ON the light rail. I found what appeared to be a splinter in my toe and thought “wtf, I’m not wearing wooden clogs.” I continued saying ow. In fact, I continued to be in pain much like this:

Finally, the asian man asked me “Are roo O-K?” in his broken english. I said yes, as tears started forming in my eyes. Luckily, the splinter was not very deep and luckily, I don’t have ugly feet so being barefoot on the train was not as uncomfortable as you would imagine. I pull the splinter out with another loud “Ow.”

The man sitting behind me leaned in real close and said “awww do you have a booboo??”
Me: “kind of.”
NotFunnyMan: “Awww so you need your mommy to fix it?”
So I know I probably look like a child today with my holey jeans, simple tshirt, and hair in a ponytail, but come on man, I have my work ID tag on..I can’t look that helpless.
NotFunnyMan hands me a tissue and says, “To wipe those tears up.”

I ignore him, put my shoe back on and move to stand by the door for the next few stops. He keeps giggling at me with his friend.

Moral of the story: I wasn’t crying.

Today on the light rail, a bum hit on some girl, a baby was crying, somebody claimed to be a prophet, and an old man asked for directions.

I’m assuming.

I actually did not ride the light rail this morning. I have this friend named Jayme. Some of my readers know her. Some do not. Once you meet Jayme, your life will be forever changed. Jayme is an interesting character. She’s an amazing writer, and often uses that as a means to speak her mind, no matter what filth it’s filled by. Jayme recently moved to a new place, where the electricity was turned off in less than 24 hours of her move. She returned to find her dog nearly dead. Thus, Jayme had a sleepover at my apartment last night. And by sleepover, I mean I slept and she did who knows what in my living room until 4:30am (she suffers from insomnia).

So the point of my story is that Jayme drove me to work this morning. You’re probably wondering, how in the world is riding in a Tahoe remotely funny? You obviously have not met Jayme. Jayme is like the freaks on the light rail, but she takes showers, has nice clothes, and fits in one seat.

I get in Jayme’s car and the first thing she asks me is which direction to go. I explain to her the correct way to get to the intended street.
Jayme Quote #1: “Bet the light rail never asks you for directions!”
I giggle…and we continue heading to work. We pull up at a stoplight and she says “Damn too bad your phone doesn’t work, you could take a picture of the light rail from here.”
and more..
“I wanna drive up behind the light rail and be like ‘LOOK WHO I’VE GOT!! YOU’RE MISSING HER, AREN’T YOU???’”
As we drive past a long line of people outside some church on Fannin….
Me: “What’s that?”
Jayme: “SEE you wouldn’t see that shit if you were on the light rail!!”
Me: “Umm….”
Jayme: “Wait..how did the tracks get over here?? I THOUGHT THE LIGHT RAIL WAS ON MAIN!”
Me: “It crosses right under 59..”
Jayme: “Oh that would explain the crossing signals back there.”

Once we get into the med center, Jayme points out some homeless dude walking on the street.
Jayme: “Look there’s one of your friends! I bet he just got off the light rail!”
Me: “Is it weird of me to say he looks familiar?”
Jayme: “Its only weird if you say you remember having a conversation with him.”
I don’t say anything…because I feel like I have and she’ll make fun of me.

We finally arrive at my place of work.
Jayme: “How about this?? The light rail doesn’t get you this close!”
I laugh.
Jayme: “awww I feel like I’m dropping my daughter off on her first day. Have a good day sweetie!!”
I’m embarassed.

Moral of the story: I miss the light rail.