Today on the light rail, I learned the secret to success.

This morning, a very smelly man sat down next to me on the train. I can’t even explain how much I wish I had a nose plug during this ride. I knew something crazy was going to happen, so before anything happened, I sneakily took a picture of homeboy:

The man is surprisingly silent for a bit as I continue my morning tweets.
AntiHomeless: “You remember what transfer you took 8 years ago?”
Me: “Huh?”
AntiHomeless: “8 years ago what transfer did you take?”
Me: “umm what?”
AntiHomeless: “You been in Texas your whole life? you didn’t take no transfer?”
Me: “Yes I was born here…”
AntiHomeless: “What transfer did ya take 8 years ago?”
Me: “Ummmm I was in high school 8 years ago…”

Now homeboy is confusing me…this was the “omg…wtf” tweet right here…


AntiHomeless: “Ahh I done took a transfer 8 years ago and das why I’m carryin around all dis stuff.”
Me: “Oh.”
AntiHomeless: “Whatchu think public transit will be like in 8 years?”
Me: “huh?”
AntiHomeless: “There’s so much construction. you’ll never know. You think they’ll be food left in 8 years?”
Me: “uhhh yeah…”
AntiHomeless: “Dats what I thought too. Be careful or you won’t got no food.”
Me: “hmmm.”
AntiHomeless: “You be like me sometime if you not careful. But you look like a smart lady. Stay smart and don’t get homeless.”
Me: (in an attempt to show compassion) “I don’t think anybody can plan to be or not to be homeless..sometimes it probably just happens…”
AntiHomeless: “No jus don’t be stupid. Don’t do drugs. Do you do drugs? Because if you do I can help you out with some right here..”
He points to the black box he’s holding..
Me: “No sir..”
AntiHomeless: “Das good. Don’t do no drugs or you’ll be homeless like me.”
Me: “Or wearing an Aggie shirt?”
He gave me a rather perplexed look after that comment.

AntiHomeless: “Don’t be stupid. Don’t do drugs. Don’t give no money to family. Don’t take no stupid job. And den you won’t be homeless.”
Me: “…thanks….”
AntiHomeless: “I better go now. Have a very nice day.”
Me: “You too..”

As he gets completely off the train, his head sneaks back in…
AntiHomeless: “Katie, my name is Andrew. Very nice to meet you.”

My name badge was in my pocket today……….

Moral of the story: I would probably donate my team’s gear to goodwill if I were an Aggie too…

Today on the light rail, I saw another crazy person.

Once again, this wasn’t really on the light rail. I was exiting the train at my stop when I see this big man walking towards the train yelling at a man across the street by the car dealership. The crazy man was yelling profanity at the big man…unfortunately, I was the only person exiting the train who needed to cross the street to where this man was. The people in their cars at the stoplight could see my confusion with this situation and timidness to cross the street. I try avoiding this man by walking closer to the dealership, but turns out he was heading in the same direction. I try to avoid listening to him until he says “get you ho ass home” because we made eye contact and I was semi-giggling at him.

CrazyMan: “You white a$$ country a$$ ho. get the f&*! away from me.”

I’m walking faster…CrazyMan gets louder the further away I get..

CrazyMan: “Get yo a$$ away…unless you gunna gimme sum money.

oh so NOW he wants to be my friend…

CrazyMan: “You owe me some money you country a$$ ho. puttin my peoples all in slavery and shit. you still owe me money. folks be givin us tattoos wit knives an shit. yous a bunch a crazy a$$ white people.”

HOLD UP….alright..I understand history and I understand what happened in the past. And yes, I do feel remorse for events that occurred during that time and believe white southern Americans were quite possibly out of their mind. BUT that was in the 1800s, and you, sir were not alive during that time. So I owe you NOTHING. You’re the crazy a$$ man roaming the streets disturbing the peace and begging for money from people who are minding their own business.

So, reader, whatever your thoughts are..I still stick with the fact I owe this man NADA.

CrazyMan: “Yeah you go home to your air condition. and your TV. Dos things us people cant ever seem to get. Country a$$ white folk…..”

He continued mumbling as I neared closer and closer to my apartment, frantically texting an Aggie (hey, he sent me a message while I was walking and I needed somebody to be on hand in case something happened..).

Don’t worry, I made it home OK….

Moral of the story: I’m afraid when I get mace, I’ll just use it on stupid people…

Today on the light rail, it was apparent that I am a white girl.

It started at the platform. This man was hollerin across the street.
WeirdDude: “Hey white man! WHITE MAN!”

This white man next to be starts staring at him…I’m assuming these guys had beef. The guy across the street stood there in the rain staring yelling WHITE MAN. And he was mumbling…or talking to himself. I’m assuming he was on drugs..I see this a lot on the light rail…people that look like they’re talking to themselves or on their bluetooth…but they’re really just trippin real bad. This man comes up on the light rail platform. Since it is raining, I’m not wearing sunglasses (and some of you will be happy to know I cannot find those green sunglasses..now taking donations for somebody to buy me some ray bans..just sayin..). Anyways, so I’m obviously staring at WeirdDude because he’s totally drugged up on something. Mind you, I’ve never taken drugs before but I took health class. They teach you all about those bad things in health class in Cy-Fair ISD.

So homeboy’s trippin…I’m starin…White man is walking to other end of platform.

WeirdDude: “White girl! SAY WHITE GIRL”

Hmmmmm I guess I’m not tan enough yet to pass as something other than white girl…

I just look at him.

WeirdDude: “Whatchu starin at?!?!”
I nod my head/shrug shoulders.
WeirdDude: “You ain’t ever seen a black man dressed in rags? Dat wut it is. You white girl and your nice rain jacket. and yo nice bag. You aint know what strugglin be. quit yo starin you lookin like a goofy a$$ trick.”

I don’t quite understand what he’s saying, but to be honest with you, this was one of the first times I’ve actually been scared on the light rail platform. I was honestly frozen still because this tripped out man was spitting all over the place while he spoke. He was infuriated with my staring.

The light rail comes and I make sure to move as far away from this man as possible. I can hear him yelling behind me at everybody else.

WeirdDude: “WHATCHU ALL LOOKIN AT? AINT NOTHIN TO LOOK AT HERE. MIND YO OWN DAYUM BIDNESS”

He also kept yellin at his token white man from the platform.

What a nice way to come back to the light rail after being sick for a few days.

Moral of the story: The first person to send me mace wins a prize.

After reading this, please read the story about my friend ZACH and vote zach!

Since I’ve been sick, I figured it was a good time to share one of my reader’s stories. This one comes from Mathias, another Houston light rail rider.

A few months ago, he was on the train heading south. At the Wheeler stop, an italian-sounding man (otherwise known in the past as a WOP…except I think that may be a derogatory term..I just had to use that one for Trey) stepped on the light rail and asked Mathias “Where do I pay?”.
Mathias: “..You should’ve paid outside already…”
ItalianStallion: “What do I do now??”
Mathias: “Hope that nobody checks!”

Homeboy with the gold teeth nearby saw this as an opportunity to make some serious chaching. He turns to the italian man and says: “Your ticket, please.”
ItalianStallion: “I don’t have one. How much do I pay?”
GoldGrill: “Three dollars.”

ItalianStallion paid the man. At the next stop, GoldGrill departed the train. ItalianStallion was left on the train confused and less three dollars.

Mathias says had the GoldGrill asked the man for more money, he would’ve said something, however, he was impressed by GoldGrill’s business initiative.

Moral of the story: Worst. Paystations. ever.

Today on the light rail, I hung out with a few ex-convicts.

This truly was one of the most out-of-this-world conversations I’ve heard in my entire life. I’ll refrain from starting a debate with readers on this one and just present the facts, but sometimes it’s quite obvious my stance on situations like this one.

Two men enter the train just a few stops away from mine on my way home. Both of these men were talking rather loud, so just picture that. My back was to them, fortunately, so he did not see me giggling.

Jailbird1: “You know us ex-convicts gotta stay togetha.”
Jailbird2: “mmmmmhmmmmm”
Jailbird1: “I mean errbody be talkin bout rights for gays and lesbians but ain’t nobody talk about our rights as ex convicts. I mean we paid our time for what we was wrongly accused for and we still can’t find no job 10 years later!!!”
Jailbird2: “mmmmmhhhhhmmmmm”
Jailbird1: “All dem people out der claim to be Christians but they ain’t got no mercy on people like us. I mean Jesus was persecuted and errybody all worships him. I’m like a modern day Jesus but aint nobody be treatin me all special like dat.”

Don’t care what your religious views are…but WOW.

Jailbird1: “I mean gays and lesbians..geez…all dos getting married laws and shit…what about my rights? I been wrongly accused, I pay my time, and now my life is a living hell. I mean we’s gotta start sumpin bout dis. We gotsta get us some rights! We paid our time! Let us have a life!”
Jailbird2: “It ain’t even just dem conservatives too. Dem liberals be actin the same. errbody scared just cus we went to jail.”

Moral of the story–> Jailbird1: “It’s a messed up world, brutha.”