Today on the light rail, I saw a baby.

By himself.

Yep. Sure it wasn’t in a closet or at a Coffee Bean, but hey this goes to show finding a baby can happen to just about anybody.

Technically, I suppose said baby’s parents were the couple in the row behind the baby who were nailing each other. Believe me, I attempted to photograph both of these, but I was in the inside row and the man beside me was what you may refer to as morbidly obese.

So here this baby is…just chillin…by himself in his little car seat…parents behind him groping each other. Every now and then the Mom would reach in front and rock the car seat, you know to look like a good parent.

What is wrong with this picture? Let’s begin.
1. Uhh hello moving train…no seatbelts??
2. Not to mention the bottle your baby is holding is not working and the kid is having issues getting his milk out
3. Neglect, much?
4. Don’t worry, the diaper bag is cushioning your baby from falling.
5. Didn’t I mention a few posts back about how much I hate PDA?

Moral of the story: If you don’t want your little half mexican/half black baby, give it to somebody like Sandra or Angelina to add to their collection of saving babies people don’t want and turning them into money making machines. Seriously.

Today on the light rail, a man left his bucket of goodies next to me.

We both boarded the train at the same station and I thought he was going to be my standing-by-the-door buddy. He had this laundry detergent bucket full of goodies. There were socks, a sandwhich, and a package of men’s underwear, just to name a few.



Ignore everything except the bucket..the man standing next to the bucket is not the owner of the bucket

The man left his bucket by me and sat down at the next stop when he noticed an open seat. There were some snacks in the bucket besides the sandwhich, and I was already getting hungry again. I mean, I’m on a steroid right now from my hives outbreak yesterday. Yeah, here’s a picture of my ridiculously swollen hand from yesterday. Warning: This will make you say “ew sick”, to quote Jayme Lamm.




I told you so…and I even made it small. So anyways, here I am…with this bucket in front of me…drugged up on prednisone…and instead of thinking this man could potentially have a bomb in the bucket, I am thinking of grabbing his sandwhich and eating it.

When he got off the train, he grabbed it and went on his merry way to the soup kitchen.

Moral of the story: I could’ve died yesterday AND today.

Today on the light rail, a man practically felt me up.


It was raining this morning, of course, and the train was crowded. I had to stand but there wasn’t a whole bunch of room on one side. I was awkwardly standing next to this man who smelled awful. I’m talking guy probably got drunk, rolled around in some mud, rubbed skunk juice all over his body, and then took a bath in urine. That bad. Anyways so I’m holding my nose without trying to look rude. (remember, I don’t have those sunglasses..I think I’ll buy some when I leave work here in a bit). He’s standing really close to me.

Like really. really. close.

Like…


@@
-l–l-
^ ^


…I don’t know what just happened there.

So when the train cleared out a bit, I moved over, he moved closer to me.
I moved over more.
He, closer.
He chuckled and said something. I’m pretty sure he said “sjagkshgjkshjkghajkghajkdhgajkdghkjbhdjkf”.
Me: “Huh?”
Dude: “ajkghkjghejkghjklghjklsdhfbjksdhbjkn bhthuiegh”

I ignored him. I don’t speak banging-on-keyboard talk.

Then his hand kind of rubbed my arm.

I found somewhere to sit down.

Moral of the story: Get out of my space, homeboy.

Today on the light rail, I was eating apple slices. I have to give a shout-out to the fine folks over at the MS150 for giving me the big bag of apple slices on Saturday (and to Taylor and her fam for being so awesome).

So as I was standing and eating my apples, a man in a scarface t-shirt begins a conversation with me (damn those lost sunglasses of mine…).
Scarface: “Eatin some apples to stay healthy, huh?”
Me:I smile
Scarface: “You eatin healthy keeps you in better shape than these other ladies round here.
Me: Awkward smile.

At the next stop, the train clears a bit, so I sit down…scarface sits next to me.
Scarface: “Those apples sure look good!”
Me: Long pause… “Would you like one?”
Scarface: “Sure, you’re so thoughtful!”
uhhh not really, you just keep staring at my apples….
Scarface: “ya know, I should prolly eat more fruit instead of fried food.”
Me: “I love fruit.”
Scarface: “yeah and it keeps you lookin finnneeee”
dammit, why am I in the inside seat???????

Then I realize the person standing directly behind my row has some ridiculously loud music playing into her headphones. Listening to “Drop it like it’s hot” really loud on your headphones before 9am should be illegal if I’m in your presence. Actually all music that DJ Kyle Berg plays on a Friday night at ei8ht is not something I want to hear through your iPod on my way to work. Scarface apparently heard the music too….

Scarface: “Damn, what she think dis is, a club? aint nobody wanna hear her damn iPod right now.”
Finally, something we can agree on..
Me: “It’s ok, she’ll need a hearing aid by age 40.”
Scarface: “BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH you know dat right..”
Seriously, his laugh was out of control. I’m not that funny.
Me: “This is my stop…”
Scarface: “Aight girl, you have a good day. Keep on wit dat smile..”
I do one last awkward smile…

Moral of the story: I’m never bringing fruit on the train again.

p.s. If you’re not lame like me and don’t have to sleep on Wednesday nights, I’d encourage you to hit up The Three3 @ ei8ht. Good DJ show for those of you who like that kind of thing..free CD.

Today on the light rail, I once again saw people making love.

Maybe they were just practicing baby making, but seriously not what I wanted to see on my ride home. These people are laying all over each other and at one point the guy’s eyes were closed so I turned around and took this picture:



SURE, it LOOKS like they’re just cuddling, but YOU can’t see their hands. The guy was singing some song in her ear too. I think it went like this:

“baby baby I wanna sex you up..oooooohhhh..babyyyyy…let me get inside you…i wanna do you on the train right now..because I’m a freak and I like to do it on public transportation and I like to sing to you but not loud enough for the chick in front of us to here so she’s gona make something up that she thinks were saying because we’re grossing her out…”

Must be a new song. I think i’ll request the DJ to play that song next time I’m out.

Moral of story: I. Hate. PDA.